"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
She announced her abortion via fbk
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize