You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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