If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
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