Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
