apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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