Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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