her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
