we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
