She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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