If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
