so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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