After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
