y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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