Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
