she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
COCAINE IS GR8
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
