I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Pappa wants mamma naked
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
