you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
