I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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