Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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