Apparently you make a good broom.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
