it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
