i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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