Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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