Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
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i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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