I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Too much gin, very little bucket
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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