She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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