My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
