you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
