Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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