My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
farters have to be the big spoon...
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize