Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
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Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
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He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
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