Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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