Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
