Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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