Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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