so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
