I cockslap morals
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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