Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
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