I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
