Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
