She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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