my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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