she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
