I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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