Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
