At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
