Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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