We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
