I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize