Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Someone shattered a urinal.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.