i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.