So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
19 Groupies Confess What It’s Really Like To Hook Up With Famous Rockstars
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...