I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.