fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?