woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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