party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
